It's not easy being me
by Rapid Squirrell
Summary: This is how I picture Luna in the inside. Reviewing will make a sad girl happy.
1. A story of Luna prelude

"If  
I told you I liked you d just walk away,  
If I wrote to you and told you the same  
thing you would laugh and throw it away  
If I acted like I  
hated you  
you would hate  
me more so right now  
I'll just act as weird as  
I can so you'll notice me.  
Hey it could be worse  
I could be Cho,  
and cry all of the time."  
"It's not easy being me Harry but I guess you don't care right now you're  
still grieving over Sirius I know how that's like"  
Ok so this is a little bit of my story please review. "" means thoughts ''  
this is speaking if you want me to change it I will. 


	2. The Real me

Ok so I changed the way I wrote the thought, I think this will be better. Please don't be confused. Now I don't own Harry Potter, Luna, Hermy, Roger, etc. The great J.K. Rowling does so now that I'm thoroughly ashamed please feel free to read the rest of my story! P.S. This story takes place in the fifth book when Harry went to Hagrid's hut after Sirius dies. Lots of the stuff is made up and I don't know where the Crumple-Horned Snorkacks live.  
  
As I look out my window in the Ravenclaw dorm room, I can't help thinking this is it. You are walking across the lawn to Hagrid's hut. I wish I was wit- "Hey weirdo!" "Yes?" Roger Davies Roger gives a weird look and then says, "Is it true that you think Professor Snape is a vampire?" "Yes I do the reasons are: he never eats garlic, doesn't like light, and he doesn't dance." "What?!" "Yes it's a fact that vampires don't dance." I reply simply of course everyone knows that...except my fellow house mates, who are currently looking at me very weirdly at the moment, I think it's time to leave. I turn and talk out the door. "She is so weird." Someone behind me whispers Like I haven't heard that before, but I would love to hear the definition of normal, isn't normal just the majority? No use going back to the hospital wing Madam Pomfry will just shoo me away. I just wander around the corridor.  
Then I see you, you look so sad I wish I could help you if only you didn't look like you could kill anyone who talked to you. Maybe I could "accidentally" run into you. That's not going to work then I'll be like one of those girls. A group of girls just came out the great hall giggling at a passing boy. Is that Roger? Is he following me now? I quickly open the door closest to me. Great a broom cupboard. And get in. Good he passed by, he looks like he's waiting for someone. Well no time to wonder about that the day is beautiful and this cupboard makes me restless. I get out cautiously and sign. Good no Roger. As I step out in to the sun I can't help looking at all of the students they look so happy sometimes I wish I was "normal" but then I'll be like those followers hoping one day I'll eventually will become myself. Sometimes my thoughts scary me I feel fourteen year olds shouldn't think this way. Again the feeling of not being alone in my own mind comes. I down at my own reflection in the lake. Did I just see that? A faint flicker of something different shines behind my eyes then fades out. It caught me off guard. Immediately I fall down to my knees my face inches from the calm surface of the lake. I must be imaging things. "Hey Luna" "What? Oh hey Ginny you scared me." I replied relieved. "Hey you looked like you saw something important in the lake, what was it a crumpled snork-thingy?" Ginny giggled. Normally I would go into a very logical explanation on how the Crumpled- Horned Snorkack lives on mountainess regions but Ginny's ignorant comment made me think what if something in that lake was staring back at me. I quickly got up and faced Ginny 


	3. I know

A/N: No I didn't die I'm back with a new chappy!! YaY!! I hope you likey it's my first Luna story. Oy! I just remembered she (Ginny) was in the hospital wing ok so she left and was walking the grounds or something. I had a review that made me remember my story that I have to finish. Ok so now I'm going to finish this if this is the last thing I ever do. Also a thanks to my Betas, Clare and Rose, I'm sorry that I'm a little random.

Disclaimer: What do you think? Don't owna, never gonna, so get over it.

**I Know**

"No Ginny I just got...a bit," I ran my hand threw my hair looking for words to describe my surprise, "flustered." Ginny gave me a weird look, gee that's new.

"Yeah. Well looking at the lake will do that to a person. Anyway, Luna, I wanted to know if you would like to come over during holiday."

A million thoughts ran in my mind, will my dad be ok alone, will I have fun at Ginny's house, why was she inviting me anyway? ...will Harry be there?

"Well I have to ask my father. Is anyone else going to be there?" I tried to sound off hand. Ginny smiled knowingly.

"If it's a certain someone who was with us in the Ministry of Magic, then the answer is yes, he will be there. Of course, Ron is always at my home, you know, because he's my brother and all." Ginny shook her head and smiled thinking that I was dumb no less. Not exactly the person I was talking about but I couldn't make my correction just yet, I just realized Ginny's still speaking, "...Yeah Hermione and Harry are coming as well." My heart jumped.

"You know Ginny...are you sure you want Harry in your house?" That was the first thing that popped into my mind.

"What are you going with this?" I saw her eyebrows shoot up into her bangs.

"Well Harry's nice and all-"

"Saving us from the perfectly _harmless_ you-know-who." Ginny retorted

"But I mean he's been through a lot-" I finished meekly, I could see Ginny's face turning red.

"Wait-what happened here? I thought you were on his side?"

"I am but I also don't want him going mad and killing me in my sleep."

"Then don't come." Ginny said simply turning back heading toward the castle.

_What have I done?_

Three days later

_Now all need to do is just post this and-_

I heard footsteps you walked toward me.

(A/n: I'm not sure I can redo this scene so let's just say she talked to Harry and now is walking down to the Great Hall.)

Talking with you made me think about my mum.

* * *

**_Flashback_**

We were in St. Mungo's; Dad went to get the healer's latest news on Mum. I was left alone sitting beside this woman who had brought me into this world and, yet, I barely recognized her. Sweat glistened on her body; she also had a high fever, from a potion that had gone wrong. Without even hearing what the healers had to say, I know she was going to die. She stopped moving for awhile. _Is it over?_ I reached out to touch her. My finger tips were about an inch away from her. She jerked and looked up at me with the same soulful blue eyes I have. My breath caught in my throat; without a word my mother was communicating everything that she would have told me when I had gotten older. In an instant I saw all the joy, happiness, love, sorrow, pain that life could bring...then a flicker that could only be death. She grabbed my hand and pulled me to her taking her last breathe as she did this. Her lips moved wordlessly. Her pupils faded out, all that was left were those incredible blue pools that seem to draw one in. I was too shocked to cry she told me everything in an instant and a second later I forgot.

_**How could someone so full of life just die like that?**_

_**End flashback**_

* * *

Tears gathered at my eyes. I know I will be there with her one day. I felt horrible about what I said to Ginny, Harry was just grieving, I should know a lot about that myself. _What made me say those things?_ I thought about the lake something was in the water right? _Or was that just me?_ They did something to- 

"Oy! Luna!"

I turned around and smiled, "Ginny I'm-"

"Yeah I know...so do you want to stay over the summer? Mum said it was all right." She looked a little impatient I smiled.

"Sure."

After I finished eating I started to get up, but a person's hand grabbed mine which brought me down again.

"Hold up there I need to talk to you."

It was Roger again. _What in the world does he want?_ He leaned closer to me I could smell his cologne and it made me gag.

"Yes" I managed to choke out.

"Well I was wondering if-"

"Students settle down please." At this I heard all the conversations stop, "Thank you. As the years go by the danger increases, I urge you to use extreme caution. As I have said last year we are entering dark, dark times; but keep in mind that without the dark, one would not appreciate the light. Have hope...have faith, in the end that is the most precious thing one could ever have..."

I was briefly aware that Roger had shivered. I looked around at the table, your face showed everything. I was just as scared but I mustn't show it-if Dad knew then he would be even more afraid for us.

The train ride was a pretty quite one. I sat here with you; you played chess with Ron, you looked so happy it was as if that...accident never happened. I know it was just an act, I know that you thought or maybe trying not to think about what happened. That okay play that game, in time; maybe you'll accept that not everything is your fault. I know because that was how I felt when Mother died. Of all the ways to die why did it have to be by a potion? After that accident I closed myself from the world it's the same for you, this mask you wear for the others please do not wear that for me. Ginny told me about your night terrors and how you can't get to sleep after them, I had them as well, maybe not as vivid as you but I had them. I just want to tell you that I'm here if you need me, I'll always be here.

Oh for future reference when Luna says "you" she's talking to Harry in her mind. If it's too confusing, I'll change it. Goes off to do the "YaY I posted" dance

**Loki Mischeif-Maker****- Yeah I'm sorry about Gin's behaviour but I'm making her have a teasing relationship with Luna. Let me know if she gets too OOC. gives out a chocolate frog**

**Sandy Black and Vicky Lupin****- Thank you for reviewing grabs a bag of candy and gives it out. I am so sorry it took so long and that this sounds different from the other two chapters.**

**Emma Lovegood-Emma you just put me in a good mood. grabs some sugar quills**

**B. R. Wells****- I feel like I'm floating on air. The first chapter is just me trying to get into Luna's state of mind, seriously this just popped in my head. I wrote that in like five minutes but thank you for making it into a poem it's spiffy. gives out a strawberry tart**

**_Insertgoodnamehere_- Man I thought I lost you on the interstate...Oh wait that's me!!!**

**Review please!!**


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